It’s weird. It’s like she’s been gone for months, not days. My emotional state isn’t raw. Her absence doesn’t feel “fresh”, if that makes any sense.
Maybe it’s because she’s slowly been leaving us since the beginning of the year and I just didn’t know it. Thinking back on it, I wouldn’t doubt if she had cancer. From the first time she started limping, she never did get better. Sure, the metacam helped at the beginning, but towards the end, when the vet said she could have it every other day, it wasn’t working so good, she was still pretty sore.
And the way this thing progressed up her back would indicate something that spreads or grows, like cancer does. Whatever it was, I know it was nothing that could be stopped, no matter how many vets or specialists she saw. And I think she knew that, too. It’s spooky the way she just crashed within hours of having that MRI scheduled. Almost as if she was saying “don’t waste our time on something like that, it won’t do any good”.
Her ashes should be back tomorrow. She’ll be home forever.
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