I go to a couple of different forums, most of them cat related in some way. And every once in a while, people get really hard on someone who doesn’t act the way they feel people should act.
Okay, I admit, I do my share of bandwagon riding. Recently there was a woman who started posting after her mother died last year. She’d not posted before, but her mother was an active member of the forums, providing us with much valuable information and she was in her element doing research. So, mom dies, daughter steps in. A year later, she’s still got the same problems, she rarely posted in support of anyone else, it as always about her and her problems. At one point, her 13 year old son came on and started posting very rude posts to some of the long time members of the board. Well, you know what hit the fan. And hit it did. Big. I ended up banning her from my forum and chat room web domain. She denied what her son had done until confronted with irrefutable proof. Even then, she still denied one of the things he’d done one night to one of the members during a chat.
People finally had enough and started harrassing her every time she posted, in hopes that she’d just leave. There were several ongoing discussions about her in a private forum and some of us asked the ones doing the harrassing to please, don’t respond to her at all, because she loved it. It seemed as if being verbally abused gave her reason to breathe, it was really, really strange. Maybe it was just because it was notice that someone was actually reading what she had to say. I made it clear to her that I thought she had a problem with seeking attention.
Well, even after someone actually took a poll, where over fifty said they wished she’d never post again, ten or so said they didn’t care one way or the other, they never read what she had to say and four said they found her posts fascinating (and you know she was one of those four), she still couldn’t see that people were tired of her whining.
So, she does the foot stomping I’m leaving I’ll never darken your doorstep (or forum) again thing. I’m sure many of us have seen the melodrama that is so prevalent on the internet. And I was very pleased when very few said “good riddance”. She didn’t leave, though, but her postings have greatly dropped and now, the few times she does post is in response to someone else.
So, yes, I’m guilty.
There’s a time when beating someone repeatedly with your opinion serves no constructive purpose. Case in point, a couple of days ago, one of the longtime members asked for help advice with one of her cats. He was bleeding from the mouth. Her husband is an alcoholic, he’s a mean SOB and he’s in very bad shape and most likely won’t last much longer. He controls the finances, she has no money of her own and has no transportation. She’s been with him for over fifty years.
Immediately there were cries of “your husband must have done it, you take that cat to the vet right this minute! And you should divorce his sorry ass as soon as you leave the vet’s office!” It went on and on. The woman wasn’t asking for advice about her marriage, she knows it’s bad, she knows he’s an asshole. And she knows, in all probability, that he’s not long for this world. Emphysema and very little kidney function don’t bode well for a heavy drinker.
So, she’s able to get a closer look into the cat’s mouth and it appears to be a bad molar. Teeth problems are no fun for anyone. And if the problem is the tooth, I know my vet (and my dentist) treat the infection before they do any dental work. They don’t want to get any of the bacteria from the infection into the blood system. Fortunately, she had some clindamycin, the same thing my vet gave me for Lisa, Richie and Handsome when they had dental problems. She’ll be taking him to the vet tomorrow.
Anyway, these same women are still beating that dead horse. I don’t see any of them telling her if she leaves him, they’ll support her until she’s on her feet. I don’t see these women offering to go up to her home, help her move out, help her settle someplace else. I don’t see anyone offering to take up a collection for a hit man. I see nothing at all constructive in their “advice”. They aren’t telling her something she doesn’t already know. They aren’t listening to what she’s said.
All I see is a couple of self righteous women, so wrapped up in being right and correct, beating this woman over the head repeatedly with their opinions.
And I wish they’d STFU.
Well, I’m glad I got that off of my chest.