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      Wednesday, January 16, 2008

tales from the parkside
06:01 PM - 01/16/2008

The topic: Mom probably won’t be going home


not to the place she’s called home for all these years.

She was doing so great yesterday. Today, she told me about the family of the woman in the bed next to her, having a seance last night. With candles, wearing sheets to look like ghosts, the whole thing.

She also started to threaten to tell on me.  She’s done this more than once and I have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. I asked her today again and she points her fingers at me and said “you look back into that brain of yours, look real deep until you find something”. 


Her doctor was there and he said it’s possible she also has some dementia on top of the underlying cause (alcoholism). That her brain is damaged because of it. One of the doctors said maybe she might be okay in six months, but maybe she won’t. 

Brian was with me, he took her for the walk (I was very aggravated with her, I know she can’t help it, but that knowledge really doesn’t sink in when she’s getting on me, because she’s done it my entire life and I fail to differentiate between the nasty woman in that bed, the sick one, and the nasty woman who raised me) and at some point she told him “I can get a beer anytime I want one; I don’t want one, but I could get one if I wanted”. 

She can’t live alone. She is not a functioning alcoholic. And there’s the possibility a “friend” would feel sorry for her and buy her a beer. Even though it interferes with her medicine, I think we all know someone who would like to help out in a situation like that.

We went over to her house to find out what exactly her financial situation is and the park manager came up.  She gave us a card for a woman who helps place people in assisted living. She called the woman and gave her Brian’s cell. And Brian got a call from her, and it looks like she can help.

We think she’s got enough income to pay for a room with a roommate, which we also think is a good idea. Mom is a people person (just not a daughter person) and she would be better off around other folks.

I am so sorry, I know you were really hoping she could go home.  I am sure this next step is a good one for everyone involved.  You all will be in my thoughts and prayers…Huggles.


Posted by DonnaB @ Wednesday, January 16, 2008 - 6:53:06 PM

I am sorry, too.  I know you wanted her to still have her independence and live on her own.  It sounds like her memory comes and goes - whether it’s from the alcohol or dementia.  I cringe at the thought of having that happen to my parents or even me.  Assisted living isn’t awful.  Lots of those blue hairs do great in the nice facilities, make friends, have fun.  I hope it goes well for your mom.

Posted by Lisa @ Thursday, January 17, 2008 - 12:22:28 AM


Here we have a set of homes that are run through one organization.  They buy a house, and basically rent out the rooms.  They decorate for holidays, provide very good meals and have onsite nurses or nurses aides 24/7.
Be sure to check with someone from your state human services organization.  They have records of who is responsible, and who isn’t.  Good luck, it isn’t easy to get things set up, and then you have to watch what is happening to make sure things stay set the way they are supposed to.  Less so in an established location.

Posted by May Ellen @ Thursday, January 17, 2008 - 7:55:13 AM

The way I dealt with my Mom’s dementia was not to fight it and try to reason with her.  I just went along with everything she said.  It was like a game I was playing with her and it didn’t frustrate her when I’d try to reason with her.  There is so much help out there available and it can also be very helpful to the family members.

Posted by Peggy @ Thursday, January 17, 2008 - 9:48:13 AM

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lisaviolet is sixty something, married with no kids, takes care of lots of cats, likes taking photographs, loves Southern California weather and spends altogether too much time avoiding her responsibilities.

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