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      Monday, February 15, 2010


otherstuff
07:41 AM - 02/15/2010

The topic: Why do people have to be so unpleasant?

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I post on a forum.  There are people on that forum who’ve been around the internet as long as me.  I’ve posted with these people for close to fifteen years now.

Recently, the admin banned fundraising for the community.  Because there were complaints about it.  I’m sure the majority of us on the board had no idea who was complaining.  As far as I remember, we were just surprised that someone objected to it so much that it got stopped.  After all these years, it was a forbidden topic. 

There was no on the board openly complaining, it was all to the administrator and the administrator apparently got tired of it and banned fundraising from that forum.  The current admin does not like to be bothered with complaints and this was her way of dealing with it.  I picked up the slack and made a forum especially for fundraising over at Benny’s, it wasn’t a big deal.  The fundraising has helped many people over the years.  Helped with vet bills, helped uplift spirits, even helped one person from losing her home.

Recently, it was to help a woman with a seriously ill cat.  Her heart cat.  Her special cat.  There was a strong chance that the cat would never get better, but many of us thought she should at least know for sure and not spend the rest of her life wondering if there would have been a different outcome if she’d only had the finances to pay for the tests her cat needed.

We raised the money. She got her cat tested.  It was bad news.  But she knew.  She knew it was out of her hands.  There are some things that money won’t make go away.  I think we’ve all had that happen to us.  It was little consolation, but she at least had some peace of mind.

It’s over and done, the cat has long since gone to the bridge.

Now, some of us are familiar with sub-q fluids and how they can be a lifesaver.  A cat was in distress, the owner took the cat to the vet, the vet said there’s a problem with the liver (quite possibly due to an adverse reaction to flea treatment) and to give the cat sub-q fluids to help keep her hydrated and the system flushed out.  In time, it would most likely help the cat overcome the liver problem. Well, the cat is semi-feral, the woman has health issues herself.  And giving the fluids is an ordeal, but she’s doing it because she wants to give her cat a chance to survive the liver problem. 

One of the long-time posters, one who isn’t really well received, because many of her posts are thoughtless and uncaring in their wording, she’s not the most tactful being on earth, to put it lightly, said “I will probably incur the wrath of many for saying this, but I wouldn’t give subQs to a cat who was this resistant. I don’t think the benefit is all that great and why ruin everyone’s quality of life in the meantime? This board is frequented by people who will go to the end of the earth to get one more hour of life for their cat. I am not one of them. I’m not suggesting withholding antibiotics—just that it isn’t necessary to do absolutely everything that might possibly help. If the cat has liver disease, the prognosis is not good anyway—find it hard to believe that the fluids are going to make the difference.”

Someone called her on her bullshit and she replied:

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting here? I don’t mean ____ is going to the ends of the earth, but you know as well as I do that we see it fairly often on this board. I won’t name names. But there’s a group think mentality that says unless you spend your very last dollar and your last ounce of energy trying to keep that cat alive, there’s something wrong. We’ve taken up COLLECTIONS for cats who were clearly close to the end. That’s what I’m talking about. And I’ll stick by my statement. As to who has gone too far as far as what they wrote, look in the mirror. And back off.”

Aha!  “We’ve taken up COLLECTIONS for…”

She goes on with her belief that fluids aren’t all that helpful for a cat.  I know differently.  I know how much better a dehydrated cat feels twenty-four hours after getting fluids. My guess is she sucks at giving them, therefore they’re a waste of time.

But, the telling comment was about the collections. And I think we’ve found our complainer.  I think we’ve found the root of the banned topic.  This poster.

I don’t like her. I’ve not cared for her for a very, very long time.  She had a private board and I posted there for a while.  Around that time, my nephew was called to the middle east.  I posted a picture and asked for prayers for his wellbeing and safety. She hijacked my thread and turned it into a tirade against the Bush administration.  I wasn’t making a political statement, I just wanted some support for my nephew. I asked her to remove my post. She refused.  I switched out his picture to a very rude graphic, aimed at her (the picture was on my website so it was easy to do, it was just a linked picture).  I left her forum to never return.

She’s posted that she’ll leave for days on end, leaving out bowls of dry food and water, not having anyone come by to check on the wellbeing of her cats. And I know at least once there was a housekeeping problem (apartment living).

As for taking up collections, what business is it of hers?  If I want to spend my money here or there, or give it to this person or that, for whatever reason, what business is it of hers?  I don’t like people discussing how we spend our money.  It’s one of the reasons I told Brian that we would not borrow money from his mom, ever again (he did, to get his newest tractor, I wasn’t happy about it at all).  I understand when we had borrowed money, our lifestyle was fodder for discussion around the table.  How could we waste money going to Disneyland when we owed them money?  Hey, it’s not like we weren’t making the monthly payments, you know?  Nope, we need money, we’ll get it from the bank. They won’t make our lifestyle their business as long as they’re paid back on time.

And unless I tell you about my horrid financial position, I certainly don’t expect it to be a topic of conversation, you know?  If I discuss it with you, then I’m inviting comment.  But if I don’t, then stay the hell out of my business.

I just wish this woman would find a new place to hang.  Someone asked her if she had any idea how she appeared to others.  I don’t think she really cares.  Because she certainly does little to change.



I have had experiences with pople lik her too.
They feel that they have the right to pass judgement on others and their caring and compassionate actions…. gnerally because they cannot be bothered to make and effort, to have care or compassion or to contribute in any way with any cause.. thus they find issue with others doing so…... they are generally, lonely and pretty sorry individuals… few friends and even fewer prospect of having good friends….. but they justify their feelings in part by belittling others and their actions…
She is not even worthy of pity…
She is just a waste of space..
My two cents worth…... you have compassion, you have care, you are not self centred and you have a life and love of life that she could never conceive let alone live…..what at creep she is…
I was once in a cat rescue forum that was hijacked by a troll… but we got rid of him by identifying him as such ad by creating a response which was “DNFTT” - Do Not Feed The Troll.
He eventually became so frustrated that afte a few personal attacks that were thwarted by the DNFTT respnces that he completely disappeared - never to return…. we all celebrated his extinction!
Just know that you are utterly above this jerk woman!
Cheers, Kerry

Posted by Kerry @ Monday, February 15, 2010 - 9:42:13 PM


I agree and disagree with Kerry.  Yes, these people do not understand care and compassion; and most likely have a superficial social life.
They are pitiful.  I cannot imagine a life without caring about the people and animals around me.  Nor can I imagine objecting to anyone raising money to help another living being.  What a hideous, pitiful way to live.  Even in my worst days I put out food for the feral/wild animals.  That caring has enriched my life, and though I will never be rich monetarily, I feel blessed with the animals, friends and family that that pitiful person will never understand.
I love the DNFTT from Kerry, what an excellent idea, wonder if it would work on the forum.

Posted by May Ellen @ Tuesday, February 16, 2010 - 12:50:30 PM

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lisaviolet is sixty something, married with no kids, takes care of lots of cats, likes taking photographs, loves Southern California weather and spends altogether too much time avoiding her responsibilities.

In her spare time, she makes pretty things to sell in her store.

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