And sometime since Christmas Eve, my feelings towards her have lightened up, quite a bit.
I think it was an awakening for me. She was no longer the woman who was so vicious towards me as a child, but an old woman who loves me unconditionally. This woman would do anything in the world for me, anything I asked of her without hesitation. She’s not the same woman who raised me. She’s not angry and she’s not mean. She’s not defensive.
She didn’t play drama queen on the way, as I’ve come to expect, she was just a normal, relaxed person. It’s nice. Even though the visit was to a doctor, she wasn’t really nervous. I dropped her off at the front door and parked the car in a nearby grocery parking lot, since the Kaiser parking lot and structure were both full to capacity and I figured it would be easier to just walk than keep circling for a spot like a buzzard to dying prey.
Once parked, I got into the building, went up to the oncology department and mom was already out of the waiting room. They took her in earlier than her official appointment time and when one of the nurses opened the door to call the next patient, I asked her if I could get inside and go to the room where my mom was. She let me in, I was told mom’s room and went back. The wait for the doctor wasn’t long at all. While we waited, she told me her blood pressure was a little high, but not nearly as high as the last time she had it taken.
And when the doctor came in, he asked if there was anything new and I said “yes, she’s quit smoking. I thought she’d quit smoking when she had surgery, but she didn’t. She was busted on Christmas Eve when she’d had too many beers and too many tranquilizers.” He was pleased that she’d quit.
The visit was uneventful and she actually walked with me to the car, down two sets of fairly steep steps. She asked if she could take me to lunch and I didn’t really want to go, but it was something she wanted to do, so I figured I may as well. I never know when I’ll never have the opportunity again.
We went to Denny’s and she had a cheeseburger and fries, I had a grilled turkey/bacon/cheese sandwich with a side salad instead of fries. It was a pleasant little visit and she was smiling when I dropped her off at home.
She’s supposed to make an appointment for her mammogram (the doc looked at me and said “you’re getting mammograms, aren’t you?” Yes. Well, I didn’t last year, the appointment reminder from my doctor was late and I have to see him before I get the mammo. But I will be making it soon. It’s not something I plan on blowing off) and she looked at me and said “will you take me?”. Yeah, mom, I’d be happy to take you.
And, this time, I meant it.
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