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      Monday, July 31, 2006

11:59 AM - 07/31/2006
I'm very, very sad

The topic: “Stuff Handsome eats” is officially retired


He’s gone.

He’d lost over four pounds since last year.  The vet checked his mouth and it looked good. Except his gums were very pale. The vet gave me a couple options, depending on the results of the blood test.  Basically, there were no options, since the major one was giving him sub-q saline with interferon added.  Handsome wouldn’t do sub-q fluids.  It was everything I could do to give him oral meds.

The vet felt Handsome either had the FIV related leukemia, that affected his bone marrow.  Or some other type of FIV related cancer. Either way, the prognosis wasn’t good.  When I said there was no way I could give Handsome the fluids, the vet looked at me and said “well, what do you want to do? He’s not going to get better.”  There was the elephant in the room, that no one wanted to acknowledge. 

Euthanasia was mentioned.  I said “then that’s what we’ll do”.  He looked at me and said “that’s the best decision and I’m glad you were able to say it”.

Hans was sedated, then he finally laid down on the towel.  The vet shaved a portion of one of his front legs and administered the killing solution.  Now, this is going to be really icky, I’ve never seen this before in all the times we’ve said goodbye to our pets and if you have a squeamish stomach, skip the next paragraph.

When Handsome stopped breathing, fluid started coming out of his mouth.  A brownish tinged fluid.  The vet put a small amount of pressure on Handsome’s chest and more fluid came out.  His lungs were full of this stuff.  That’s what he’d been “drooling” for all these months.  It wasn’t coming from his mouth at all.  And I knew that saying goodbye was the best thing I could have done for him.

The vet told me that we gave Handsome a good home.  A place of love and warmth, a place where he always had food.  We gave Hans a comfortable life. And for what it was worth, nothing we would have or could have done would have changed this outcome.  He also said he didn’t know how an animal could be so sick and still go on.

Hans had two jars of baby food this morning (which he puked up on the bed before I took him in).  But he did have a good last meal.  And for some odd reason, he purred up a storm at the vet’s office. Maybe he knew he’d soon be out of pain. 

When the sedative was taking effect, I whispered to him to say “hello” to Ciara for me.  And tell Annie and DeeJay we missed them.  And I wished him God speed.

I knew, when we took him in, when he was first diagnosed as FIV+, that his time with us would be limited.  I knew each day was another day of borrowed time. His throwing up was nothing new.  His drooling was nothing new.  His breathing always was a little hard. These are things he’d done since he first came to live with us.  But I think I knew that his time was near.  When I told Brian about his appointment, I told him that there was a possibility that Hans wouldn’t be here when he came home.  And I knew to take a picture of him before we left.  I thought, well, I’ll take one when we get home, but that little head voice whispered “but what if you come home alone?”.  He was a great cat, he was a fun cat.  I wish we’d had more time with him. I hope to meet him again someday.

Goodbye, Handsome. You’ll always be in my heart and in my mind.



Friday Ark #98 Be sure to check out the latest edition of The Carnival of the Cats, this week hosted by TBIFOC.

I am so sorry. **tears** He was such a great cat. I truly loved him and will miss seeing his funny and wonderful eating habits.

Thank you and Brian for taking such good care of him.
Gods speed, Handsome, you were a special boy.


Posted by Bobbie @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 12:53:19 PM

Please accept our sincere sympathy.  You gave him lots of love and the best of care, and we know you’ll meet him at the Bridge when the time comes.

Love, purrs, and headbumps,
Trudy, B’Elanna, Muldoon, and Wilella

Posted by Trudy @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 12:55:13 PM

**tears** here, too.  I’m so sorry.  I really liked this old guy, from the first time you posted his picture.  I wish you’d have had lots more time, but I know the time he had with you was filled with love and security.  ((((LV))))

Posted by Critter @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 1:14:02 PM

**Tears**  Oh no…I’m so sorry..((((Hugs))))

I know he was in the very best place he ever could have been, and with the very best kitty-mom and dad that he ever could have been with. You and Handsome and your whole Family are in my thoughts and our prayers.
The candles are lit.

We grieve with you.

Hugs and love from Drac, Rani, Gogo’s, Lucky, Susie and all of us.



Posted by Mary @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 1:54:21 PM

Oh, I am so sorry, I don’t even know what to say. I have only known about your site for a short time and have looked forward to every entry about Handsome. I just happend to check your site while at work and am sitting here with tears in my eyes for you and Handsome. I also have a tabby named Handsome and will remember your Handsome boy when I call mine. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with him on your site he was a fun kitty. My heart goes out to your for your losses.
Kathy B.  :-(

Posted by Kathy Burton @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 2:03:12 PM

You gave Handsome a good and loving home while he lived and a gentle passing when it was time. Even so, it is so hard to lose a beloved furry family member. I’m so sorry. My heart is with you.

Posted by Rahel @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 2:19:50 PM

I’m so sorry to hear this.
It’s easy to see how special he was.
You, Brian, and the kitties all have my sincerest condolences.

Posted by PJ @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 2:48:33 PM

He was a sweetheart. You can tell by the picture that he felt bad.
You gave him extra time to see what it is like to be loved.
Rest in Peace Handsome. We will miss seeing your pretty face on the boards.
Hugs to you and Brian for giving this sweet guy love while he was here.

Posted by Kandy and the Boys @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 3:11:01 PM

I am so happy that Handsome was able to spend his last days with you.  He had a good happy life with you, and one that was much healthier than he would have had if you had not taken him in.

Good wishes to you, Brian and the rest of your feline family.

Posted by May Ellen @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 3:31:35 PM

So sorry you had to lose another baby this year.  You did so well by him and he left with love.  I so enjoyed his eats posts.

Sending purrs from here for you all.

Rest well sweet boy.

Posted by Lia @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 3:58:50 PM

This really is not fair for you to lose another this year and especially Handsome. He was my favorite and he seemed to be a fighter. I’m so glad he had some time to spend with you and know love and happiness. No more sickness for him. Godspeed Handsome.

Posted by Norah @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 5:01:42 PM

I wanted to check for updates before I went to bed and couldn’t believe it when I read Handsome is gone.  I’m so, so, so sorry.  I loved to read about the things he liked to eat.  You did give him a wonderful home, lots of love and the best days of his life.  I don’t know how you do it - losing 4 cats so close together.  But they died having been loved dearly.  God bless you and Brian and your fur kids and Godspeed Handsome.  We’ll miss you!

Posted by Lisa @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 7:49:08 PM

I am so sorry for your loss ,this year has been very hard on youand Brain. You gave him the best home and all the love he ever knew . God bless you and keep you strong, hugs bcat

Posted by bcatsrmine8 @ Monday, July 31, 2006 - 11:35:46 PM

Not fair, you didn’t have enuogh time with him. I’m sorry he’s gone, but happy that his last time on earth was with people who loved him. Say hello to Princess P and Kiabear, they’ll make sure you have a good time while you wait for your people to take you across the bridge.

Posted by kattonic @ Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 7:37:17 AM

***tears*** {{hugs}} You did everything you could for him, I’m so glad he found you and Brian. He had lots of yummy things to eat and more importantly he felt loved.
I’ll miss reading about him.

Posted by Melanee @ Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 3:07:01 PM

I just met him in your pics.  I lost 2 this year and am crying at the love and care you gave this sweetie.  My 9 rescues left cant fill the hole my guys left, and i know that one wont fill your hole..

what a great cat lover you are.  Love people who do sub q’s (when a cat allows it) and other home care

You gave him the last gift you could.  One of true selflessness and love.

Posted by Michele @ Monday, August 07, 2006 - 12:47:21 AM

He knew you were upset and wanted to let you know that things were alright. A case of, “Hey, I’m here, no need to fuss.” Cats are better at reading us than we think.

He knew he wasn’t feeling good. He knew that upset you. So he tried to reassure you. Cats do that kind of thing.

Posted by Alan Kellogg @ Monday, August 07, 2006 - 6:17:21 AM

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lisaviolet is sixty something, married with no kids, takes care of lots of cats, likes taking photographs, loves Southern California weather and spends altogether too much time avoiding her responsibilities.

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