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      Monday, June 30, 2014

09:59 AM - 06/30/2014

The topic: Back from the vet with Captain


And it's not looking good. The vet wasn't able to get as much fluid out of his chest as she thinks is in there. The X-ray showed less of the lungs than before. Looks like the tumor is moving quickly.

Barring a miracle, it won't be long now. 

I really hate this part of pet guardianship. 

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07:09 AM - 06/30/2014

The topic: It was scary and I can’t make sense of it


Yesterday, after we left the vet clinic and got back into the car, my mind slid. I have no other word for it, but it started going crazy.

You know how when you sleep you dream all kinds of things that make perfect sense when you're dreaming them, but when you wake up and if you remember any of what you dreamed, you're like "what the hell was that all about?"

That happened to me yesterday afternoon. It started on the drive home and lasted about an hour. I couldn't concentrate on anything, this garbage just kept bubbling up to the surface. Stuff that felt familiar, but not (which is why the dream analogy is the closest I can come to describing it).

I kept trying to push the weird stuff out of the way. None of it was a full thought, just bits and pieces of strangeness. Things just bubbling up and my waking mind was "where did that come from? What's going on? That makes no sense!" It was like I'd left reality. I've never had anything like this happen and I gotta tell ya, it was very frightening to me. I came back to the office and tried typing and my mind just kept slipping. I knew what I wanted to do, but it wasn't working.

I don't know if it was because I hadn't eaten much (one sweet potato pancake for breakfast and a couple of graham crackers),  probably a little dehydrated and of course, under a lot of stress over the past month (Captain), which hit a peak this weekend. I'd like that to be the reason because that's easily taken care of. I did have some more graham crackers and drank a good amount of water. 

I don't ever, ever, ever want it to happen again.

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lisaviolet is sixty something, married with no kids, takes care of lots of cats, likes taking photographs, loves Southern California weather and spends altogether too much time avoiding her responsibilities.

In her spare time, she makes pretty things to sell in her store.

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