I miss her a lot.
There are times I see something, or hear something, or think of something I’d like to share with her. I’d like to pick up the phone and talk with her, but I know she’s not there.
It’s hard.
The death certificates got here on Saturday, the 8th and this past Saturday, the 15th the notice got here that she was interred with my father on the 10th. The day I was at Disneyland, the day the kitten Violet was sent to the bridge to ease her suffering.
Last week, I started filling out the paperwork to close out her financial accounts. This coming Wednesday, we’ll be meeting with her accountant and give him the needed papers so that he can do her taxes. Then, we’ll start cleaning up her house, packing things away and making decisions on what to do with her furniture. Brian’s niece is taking some of it, we’ll be taking some of it. Mom was always very clear on the fact that she did not want the people from the park going through her house, going through her stuff. She wanted everything given to St. Vincent DePaul’s, an organization that helps those in need.
One of her accounts was at North Island Federal Credit Union. On the phone, they’d told me they would need a copy of her will. When I opened the folder, she’d also placed a print out of the location of dad’s remains at Fort Rosecrans Cemetary in San Diego. It had obviously been printed out from a webpage and the print date was 02/14/2006. Two years and a week before her death. She was getting her ducks in a row that long ago.
She made the financial part of her death very easy for me. I was listed as beneficiary on everything she had. No worries about probate.
This is going to be very difficult for me, going through her belongings. The longing to hear her voice is deep. I want to hear her voice again, I want to share my life with her. I want to call her and tell her I’m sick. I want to give her new toys for Saint Patrick’s day.
Maybe when we are able to get her place emptied and sold, it won’t be so bad. Or at least, it won’t be so fresh. Right now, it seems like she just left yesterday and at the same time, it seems like she’s been gone forever.
*sigh*
And she still smiles at me from the picture next to my monitor. She always smiled for the camera.
In this one, she was smiling for me.
