‘don’t make the appointment, I just want to die’ in the entry about my mom’s death?
Let me get a little more into detail, because it’s really interesting.
She was in the waiting room while I was in the office, making the appointment for next week. She called me over to her. “Dianne! Dianne!” she said. “Come here, I have something I need to tell you.”
I went over to her and she said “don’t make the appointment. I won’t be here.” I said “yes, you will, you’ve paid for these dentures, you’re going to get them”. She said “cancel the appointment, I won’t make it”. She was adamant.
Brian reminded me of this last night. Because I’d called him when we got back to the facility and told him what had transpired and what she had said and what she was doing.
On the way, she was breathing heavily. I asked her why. She said she was scared. I asked her scared of what? My driving? The dentist? She said “I don’t know, I’m just scared”. I’d never seen her like this.
On the way back, she looked at me and asked “where’s Dianne?” I replied “Dianne who?” She said “oh, I’m sorry”. Was she in another place, a place where I didn’t exist (yet)? Was this a precursor to the white light?
She knew. She knew yesterday morning that she was at the end of this journey.
This just amazes me.
I cancelled the appointment this morning.
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